Thomas Clan

Dietary Salvation

2009-08-28T14:33:00.004-04:00

At the first of this year, I found myself more heavy than I have ever been in my life. Last year's knee surgeries brought my physical activity to a veritable standstill, and my eating habits, though not excessive, were not the healthiest. I determined that I would undertake to commit myself to Weight Watchers once again, which I pursued with great determination.

After three months of WW, and slow but steady weight loss, I decided to visit our family doctor, to obtain a baseline on my current status. The news was not good. My TSH was elevated, and I had to start on thyroid medication, but worse, my Hgb A1C was elevated at 7.3, and the dreaded word 'diabetes' come coming out of his mouth. He wanted to start me on medication, but I had other ideas. I asked for a three month rain-check, at the end of which time, should my labs show no improvement, I would acquiesce and begin diabetic meds. He reluctantly agreed, and sent me home with my very own glucometer to moniter my blood glucose levels. O joy.

I went home, wondering what on earth I was going to do! I followed WW faithfully, but my blood sugars were wildly erratic, and mostly way too high. I began to reconsider the composition of my diet, and to question the appropriateness of WW for me and my case.

Then, the greatest single event in my entire dietary life happened, though at the time, I didn't realize it. I found and read The South Beach Diet, written by Dr. Arthur Agatston. From the South Beach website:

"Arthur Agatston, M.D., is a cardiologist and an associate professor of medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. He has served on committees of the American Society of Echocardiography, the American College of Cardiology, and the Society of Atherosclerosis Imaging, where he is a member of the founding board of directors.

Dr. Agatston has authored over 100 articles and abstracts for scientific journals. His pioneering work in noninvasive cardiac imaging has resulted in computerized tomography scanning methods and measures that bear his name: the Agatston Score and the Agatston Method, which are used for screening coronary calcium, are recognized worldwide.

Dr. Agatston did not set out to develop a weight-loss plan. His goal was to help his chronically overweight heart patients get their diets under control, thereby preventing or reversing the myriad of heart and vascular problems associated with obesity. Knowing that his patients weren't faring well on the standard, low-fat American Heart Association diet, Dr. Agatston began to investigate diets and the origins of insulin resistance on his own.

The result was the South Beach Diet™, which was offered to numerous heart patients in Florida with impressive results. He presented his findings at a national meeting of the American College of Cardiology and the American Heart Association. The word spread throughout Miami, prompting the local ABC affiliate to do a monthlong series on the South Beach Diet™, which was repeated for two years.

Dr. Agatston's clinical cardiology practice is still very much devoted to prevention. He lectures extensively on prevention nationally and internationally and reviews for major medical cardiology journals. Dr. Agatston maintains an active, full-time cardiology practice, both clinical and research.

Go to agatstonresearchfoundation.org to learn more about Dr. Agatston's ongoing research initiatives."

Wow! I was reading about myself. I did NOT have diabetes; I had metabolic syndrome, which, if left unaddressed, would surely go on to develop into type 2 (adult onset) diabetes. AND, there was something I could do about it! I set about beginning this newest diet on March 27, 2009.

And immediately had difficulties. You see, I have been a professional dieter most all my adult life. I understand rigid structure, lots of rules and restrictions, and compliance with weird and unfamiliar food lists and recipes. I understand deprivation, and willpower. I understand counting and measuring and journaling and group meetings and all the things that go with dieting. And South Beach had NONE of this. None.

Nothing in my entire life of dieting experience had prepared me for this. I floundered! I had to back up and look at the forest before I began to consider the trees.

The truth of the matter that I came to realize is that what is 'wrong' with me is that I have a limited tolerance for high-glycemic index carbohydrates. Not really any different from anyone with some other dietary intolerance, such as celiac disease, or lactose intolerance. There is a certain category of food that I simply need to avoid, or strictly limit my intake of. Once I got a handle on that, all the rest simply fell into place for me. And the miracle of it all is just this: I AM NOT ON A DIET anymore! No measuring, counting, journaling, no weird recipes, no strange foods. It is all so effortless and so utterly liberating. And probably most glorious of all, for me personally, is that I don't have to THINK about FOOD 24/7 anymore. It is so easy, and the solution was right here in front of me all along.

I avoid flour, bread, potatoes, corn, ALL SUGAR, rice, and anything that is of a high-glycemic index. I have been eating this way since the end of March, and to date, I have lost 63 pounds. But best of all, I returned to our family doctor, who just couldn't believe his eyes. Oh, and that Hemaglobin A1C? It is now 5.8, perfectly normal. Cholesterol numbers all normalized as well. My blood pressure is normal, and he stopped my anti-hypertensive meds.

I highly recommend this dietary approach to anyone and everyone I meet. It is not difficult. Just avoid a certain category of foods---how hard is that? Especially when you consider that you are avoiding cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and so many other terrible problems. Get the book. Read it. And start living it today. The preventative answer to so many health problems in our country today is so very simple!

Oriental Brocade

2009-02-11T08:33:00.003-05:00

I have found absolutely the most gorgeous fabric in all creation to line my planned and much anticipated Kinsale cloak project. Isn't it simply divine! Oooh I can hardly wait to get it here from the fabric place and see it up close. The outer portion of the cloak will be a chocolate brown wool-blend. I can just envision it in my mind's eye!

I found this lovely oriental brocade at what must be the world's most awesome online fabric store. One can order by the yard, or by the bolt, and the prices are excellent. They are very much worth a shout-out: Fabric Direct, located at (not too surprisingly) www.fabricdirect.com.

Check it out for yourself, and prepare to be delighted!

2009-02-10T10:47:00.013-05:00

It has been an age since I last posted to my blog. My knees healed and rehabilitated as much as they are likely going to, and I returned to work. Life has a way of sweeping us away, sometimes. But now here I am again, all full of creative joy and anticipation of......sewing! I love to sew, and it has been such a very long time since I actually had, or made, time for it. After a recent after-church lunch with one of our church members' family, we got into a bit of a discussion of fabrics, and sewing. I mentioned that I had always longed for a Kinsale cloak, but knew that I could never pay the price that the little shop in County Cork asks for one. Sister Laura simply said, "Why don't you just make one yourself?" Shazaam. Now, why didn't I think of that?? So after a brief internet search, I found THE pattern!

Which, of course, led to looking at OTHER lovely patterns that I found along the way....

Such as this delightful, romantic long dress pattern at the left. I think of it as a Juliet gown. What puzzles me is that the pattern companies call these patterns "costumes". I think they are just simply lovely dresses. Perhaps it is their modesty that makes them odd to modern-day aesthetics. If so, then give me the 'costumes', say I!

Or how about this gorgeous dress on the right? Long, clean, simple princess seaming (this works very well for me!) I love the sleeve options on this one as well. What lovely whimsy the bell sleeves lend to the garment!

Now, I admit that this one on the left is definitely a costume. No doubt about it. But somehow, the dress on the left hand side just really appeals to me! I can see this done in muslin, or perhaps linen or a linen-blend.

Of course, if I am going to make this dress, it will need a leine, or chemise!

And voila! The very garment, to the right! How did we ever get away from garments of such grace and dignity? I suppose it was the demands of the times that passed, economic changes, and practical matters that all intervened with the passage of time. But I find myself drawn to, and longing for, garments of times passed, that have beauty and grace, dignity and charm.

How many Lord of the Rings fans are there out there? I am definitely one. And when I beheld this pattern, I nearly fell over with surprise and delight. It is none other than Arwen's gown that she wore on her journey from Rivendell toward the undying lands, when she saw a vision of Aragorn, and their son, and thus returned to confront Elrond. I remember being enchanted with that gorgeous gown she wore, and here is the pattern for that very dress!

It is the view on the left upper hand side of the pattern pic to the left.

Now, if I can just find a pattern for Susan Pevensie's archery dress that she wore in the first Chronicles of Narnia movie......

Quiet, My Heart

2008-08-07T11:57:00.001-04:00

Quiet, My Heart

Quiet, my heart; center, my thought;
Let trifling things be cleared away.
For, truly, truly, I've been brought
By GOD's power unto this day.

It is His strength that lets me move;
It is His Light that lets me see;
It is His springs of which I drink;
It is the LORD WHO cares for me.

It is His Love that bears me up;
HE is the Hope within my heart;
HE is the Way, the Truth, the Life;
Wondrous Peace doth he impart.

Be quiet, heart; center, my thought;
Let useless things be cleared away,
That this be held my highest cause - -
To render, unto GOD, true praise.

by mercies of GOD,
© [Peggy Hood, 8-07-08]

Canning Season!

2008-07-14T10:56:00.008-04:00

July is here, and garden harvesting has commenced! Between now and September, home gardeners and canners will be busy little bees putting up the harvest against the coming cold weather. Oh how wonderful it is, in the cold and gloomy days of winter, to open a little ray of summer sunshine, carefully preserved in a Mason jar!

This is an old recipe, handed down for generations, for Chow Chow. It is a mixed vegetable relish that goes well on hot dogs, with meats, or by itself. I believe that it recently has been published in the Ball Blue Book of Canning, and I know that my grandmother used it, and her mother before her. The recipe makes about 4 pints, but is easily doubled. The ingredient quantities do not have to be exact, just in the general neighborhood.

Chow Chow Relish

1 quart chopped cabbage (about 1 small head)

3 cups chopped cauliflower (about 1 medium head)

2 cups chopped green tomatoes (about 4 medium)

2 cups chopped sweet onions (about 2 medium)

2 cups chopped sweet green peppers (about 4 small)

1 cup chopped sweet red peppers (about 2 small)

3 Tablespoons salt

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 teaspoons celery seed

2 teaspoons dry mustard

1 teaspoon mustard seed

1 teaspoon tumeric

1/2 teaspoon ginger

2 1/2 cups apple cider vinegar

Combine vegetables in large bowl, sprinkle with salt. Let stand 4-6 hours. Drain well. Then rinse, and drain again.

Combine sugar, spices, and vinegar in a large kettle. Simmer for 10 minutes.

Add vegetables; simmer 10 minutes. Bring to a boil. Pack hot relish into hot, sterilized jars, leaving 1/4 inch headspace. Remove air bubbles. Adjust two-piece caps.

Process in a boiling water canner 10 minutes.

Yield: about 4 pints.

The Verdict is In

2008-07-11T21:06:00.002-04:00

My appointment today with the orthopedic surgeon went swiftly, and the final verdict is in. According to the MRI, I have tears in my medial and lateral meniscii, and a chronic tear to the anterior cruciate ligament in my left knee. Arthroscopic surgery is scheduled for next Thursday, 07-17-08.

In a large way, the news is a huge relief, as the problem is identifiable, addressable, and has a definite recovery time-table; things that I have so very fervently prayed for! In a smaller way, it is hard to take, as I now face another surgery with general anesthesia, which is still a stressful thing to have to endure. All in all, I am relieved and grateful to the Lord for His deliverance in all of this.

I ran around all day after I received the news, getting errands accomplished and making preparations for my coming convalesence. As this is round two, the news was not so nearly as startling or disturbing to my family as it was the first go-round, and everyone has taken it well in stride. We're a tough and hardy bunch, we Thomases!

Now for The Twilight Zone part ...... in April of this year, the MRI of my right knee was done on 04-09-08, the followup visit with the Dr was on 04-11-08, and the surgery was on 04-17-08. Now, in July, the MRI of my left knee was done on 07-09-08, the followup visit with the Dr was on 07-11-08, and the surgery is scheduled for 07-17-08.

Too weird.......

Chinese Fire Drill

2008-07-09T16:38:00.011-04:00

Chinese Fire Drill (noun):

1. any state of disorder or confusion.

2. a prank in which the passengers of a motor vehicle that is stopped at a stoplight, get out and run around the vehicle before returning to their seats.

For nearly two weeks, I have anticipated this date, 7-9-08. The scheduled date for the MRI of my left knee, which has me out of work and has been smarting right seriously. When what to my wondering ears should appear, but a late afternoon phone call from the Dr's office, the day before said MRI was scheduled. Not good news, either....the insurance company had disapproved my MRI. They said that I had already had an MRI of my knee last April.

Ya think?

So, the arduous task of explaining the difference between right and left to our erstwhile ignoramouses at the insurance company commenced. Suffice it to say, they are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. At length, we did prevail, however, but not by much.

This morning, the insurance person, refreshed for yet another happy day of cheerful nescience, acknowledged that they now understood and could differentiate between right and left, but sadly, as they had only officially learned this information the afternoon before, they could not give me immediate approval codes for the procedure. It would be 24 to 72 hours before that could possibly happen. With great temerity, I sighed into the phone, "WHY, when you've had the orders for nearly TWO WEEKS?! and the situation being what it is through your own negligence!" Which produced that beloved, much abused reply, (drumroll please....)

"Company policy." End of conversation. SIGH.

So, giving up the battle, I acknowledged defeat against the bludgeoning, overpowering stupidity of the situation, and called the MRI lab less than an hour before my scheduled appointment, and rescheduled for next week. Ditto the followup appointment with the Dr's office. At this point in time, a nice quiet time spent curled up with a good book and a nap looked very soothing and inviting, so off I went to shake it all off.

Snarf, snork....hmm? RIIING! RIIIINNNNG! Phone, ringing, waking me up. Time: thirty minutes after noon. Drowsily, I answered the summons, and found my Dr's office on the other end of the line, informing me that we'd just been granted approval codes from the insurance company for my MRI. Okay, so in addition to a total lack of spatial orientation, they are temporally challenged as well..... but what the heck, this one is working in my favor!

Wow. So, fast as I could, I shifted into high gear, called the MRI lab, and begged, pleaded, groveled, to be fitted in this afternoon. The scheduler sounded doubtful, but she said she would try......

She put me on hold for a while, and just as I was starting to groove to the Muzak a bit, she came back on and asked, "How soon can you get here?" "I'm getting in the car NOW!" I replied. Wahoo!! Stopped to call the Dr's office, cancel the newly rescheduled followup appointment, and try to get my old followup appointment back again (successfully achieved!). That poor scheduler at the Dr's office was so sweet. "This particular insurance company is infamous for this," she said. Oh glory, now I know!

So, off like a rabbit I head for my MRI appointment, which went well. I had a great deal of difficulty with low back pain the last time, but my very helpful and kind tech got the pillows fixed up just right this time and it was a walk in the park. Home I zoomed, MRI films in hand. Good grief, have you ever seen your innards before? Definitely not recommended for the high school yearbook.

And so, it has been quite a day here in my little world. It ended up the way I had hoped and anticipated with the rising of the sun, but what a rollercoaster ride to get here!

We are so grateful to our Lord for His continual direction and guidance, and deliverance, and provision. This afternoon, after such a topsy turvy day, He saw fit to send us a magnificent, gracious downpour of rain, which we have prayed for now for many days. The trees and bushes are all so happy! Lifting up their branches and leaves toward heaven, drinking in the gift of the Lord, and showing forth His glory in creation.

Thank you Lord, for this day.

Give Me Liberty!

2008-07-04T09:32:00.004-04:00

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death
Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775.

No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope it will not be thought disrespectful to those gentlemen if, entertaining as I do opinions of a character very opposite to theirs, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The questing before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.

I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss. Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort. I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves. Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne! In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free-- if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending--if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained--we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot? Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us. Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable--and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace-- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

The Fatness of the Earth

2008-07-02T07:54:00.006-04:00

The cornfields on Sand Mountain in Alabama are rich and lush this year. A great agricultural loss was seen last year because of the drought, and many mountain people suffered a great deal as a result. It all looks thick and green and beautiful this year, though, and promises a heavy crop of delicious Sand Mountain corn!

One of the most delicious and beloved dishes of the deep South (and one of my favorites!) is creamed corn. At our church in Grundy County, Tennessee, the sisters call it 'skillet corn'. Whatever the regional appellation, this dish is da bombdiggity!

Southern Creamed Corn

often called Skillet Corn in the Cumberland mountains of Tennessee

8-12 ears fresh sweet corn

2 tablespoons sugar (optional)

Salt

black pepper

1 cup heavy cream

1/2 cup cold water

2 tablespoons bacon drippins

1 tablespoon flour

1 tablespoon butter

Lay out some newspaper on a clean tabletop. Husk and de-silk the ears of corn, wash thoroughly and drain. Using a sharp paring knife, or a corn creaming tool designed for this purpose, slice the tips of the corn kernals from the entire cob. On the second pass, cut the kernals. On the third pass, scrape the cob to 'milk' it, removing the liquid. Repeat this process for all the ears of corn.

Add the sugar (optional), salt, pepper, cream, and water to the corn, mixing thoroughly.

Using a fork, combine the butter and flour in a small dish until a smooth mixture is achieved.

Heat bacon grease in a large, heavy skillet (cast iron works beautifully) over medium heat. Pour the corn mixture into the skillet and turn heat down to medium-low. Quickly whisk the butter-flour mixture into the corn until it is completely incorporated. Stir continuously until the corn becomes creamy, about 30 minutes.

Enjoy!

Bounty of the Lord

2008-07-01T10:46:00.006-04:00

Last Sunday, Mark and I were blessed to be able to travel to Alabama and attend Fifth Sunday meeting with the saints at Macedonia Primitive Baptist Church on Sand Mountain. Elder Victor Quick was the invited minister, and he spoke on Job. The singing was blessed, and I had forgotten that they use the Lloyd's hymnal there, along with the Old School hymnal. I was delighted to have the opportunity to sing from this book again. We are so very thankful for the bounty of the Lord provided for us, both spiritually and physically!

The sisters outdid themselves at lunch. Everything was just lovely, and delicious. There is nothing quite like down-home Southern country cooking! One dish especially caught my attention. It is so appropriate to the season, so very simple to prepare, and utterly delicious. It is my pleasure to share the recipe here, for Southern Yellow or Summer Squash Casserole.

Yellow Squash Casserole Recipe

2 pounds yellow squash

1 carrot, grated

1 onion, chopped fine

1 stick butter

1 small can water chestnuts, chopped

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 can cream of chicken soup
8 oz sour cream

1 package Pepperidge Farm corn bread stuffing

salt and pepper, garlic pwder to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Wash the squash well, pat dry, and slice into a large kettle. Add the chopped onion, and grated carrot. Add water and cook until the squash is tender; drain well using colander. 'Squeeze' the vegetables a bit to remove additional water. Place the vegetables back into the kettle, add the stick of butter and combine. Toss in the chopped water chestnuts. Season with salt, pepper, and garlic powder if desired, to taste. (Remember that the soup will add a good bit of salt!)

In a separate mixing bowl, combine the sour cream and the can of soup. Stir in the shredded cheddar cheese. Combine in the kettle with the vegetables, mixing thoroughly but gently.

Save back 1/2 - 3/4 cup of the dry Pepperidge Farm cornbread stuffing mix. Combine the remainder with the vegetable mix in the kettle.

Spray a 9x11 baking dish with Pam or other non-stick cooking spray. Transfer the mixture from the kettle to the baking dish. Sprinkle the reserved cornbread mix on top of the casserole. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-45 minutes.

You want the casserole to be cooked through and not mushy in the center. The edges will "set" and may be lightly browned.

Its The Bee's Knees

2008-06-27T13:05:00.001-04:00

This lovely summer morning, I kept my appointment to see the orthopedic surgeon who performed the surgery on my right knee last April. After some poking and prodding, flat-plate x-rays and some more bending, flexing, and general inspection by not only the Dr. but also the little parade of trusty medical students who were following him around like puppies today, he made his pronouncement. "Bursitis, and a possible medial meniscus tear---of the left knee." And just to round the morning out, he prescribed and administered a nifty steroid injection into the affected knee joint. Nary a lollypop in sight afterward, either. Actually, though there is some mild discomfort in this little procedure, the immediate pain relief is well worth it to me.

An MRI has been scheduled for a definitive diagnosis, nearly two weeks from now, allowing for the time necessary to gain the approval of the insurance company. The last time, approval came more swiftly than anticipated, and the actual MRI date was moved up considerably. I am praying that the same will happen this time as well, so we can get what needs to be done, done.

I spoke with the manager of the ICU I work in on the phone, and gave her all the news. She is so kind, and so supportive. I have to wonder, though, if my ICU nursing days are drawing to a close. I am watching for the posting of a job in the Quality Resources department of our hospital, called "Clinical Data Abstractor", which is to be a Monday-Friday desk job that requires an RN with knowledge of the cardiology and cardiovascular fields. This would truly be an answer to prayer for me, and for my family. I know not what the future holds for me at this point, but I look to the Lord to direct my path. His will be done, amen.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace

2008-06-24T10:20:00.000-04:00

I wrote the following as part of a private correspondence to dear friends undergoing difficult times. I have not posted to this journal in over a year, yet now I feel a motivation to begin journaling my thoughts and experiences once again.

When the routine of daily life has become so comfortably ingrained, it is only human nature to grow accustomed to look logically in self-reliance at the physical face of things for ordinary daily needs. And in so doing, we can lose sight of our real purpose here in this life, our true home, and our Sovereign Master. The Lord has recently shaken my life up and gotten my attention (again!) in a powerful way. I wish to journal a little of my own thoughts and experience, in the hope that it might be of some small comfort and encouragement to others, and to serve as a reminder to myself.

He gives grace.

It is so very easy, for me, to forget that I am not truly in control of anything! And for me, that is very hard to accept, as I am such a control freak. I have to keep all my ducks in a row all the time, or I tend to get very nervous and worried, to the point of physical symptoms manifesting my inner stresses. What I so often lose sight of, is that the Lord is over all, truly, vitally, and immediately. Not just in the verbal expressions of platitudes we've all heard and parroted all our lives, but in THIS reality, here and now; and more, He is looking at me personally, seeing all I do, knowing me, and directing the path of my life. Moment to moment.

He has allowed His regenerate children to retain limited liberty of their own will, within the bounds of His grace, so that they are free to make choices here in this life and time with regard to their responses to Him. And all too often, like sheep bounding away from the flock, I wander spiritually off, and He, the Shepherd, faithfully brings me back. He redirects me. He gets my attention, and brings it back where it needs to primarily be, and that is on and in Him. If I find that process devastating, is He not still the Master? In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. So I ask myself, if my center, my primary focus in life, were truly in Him, rather than in my perception of my own abilities, would I even feel that sense of devastation and disruption of my peace?

The divergence of my primary focus is understandable, and a common occurence to all of us. When things happen that threaten my temporal security, and disrupt my daily complacency, and scare the living dickens out of me, it is a natural response to feel shaken; freaked out. And then, to see the end of one's own self, the true limit of my own weak capabilities here in this life (I've lost the physical ability to do my job, and I have NO income.....what if we can't make the house payment? what if we lose the house?), it can and does elicit all sorts of emotional response, depending on where I have placed my true center. Is it in Him? or has it been in myself? (Who provided the physical ability, and the house, in the first place?) Far too often, I have found that I place mine in myself. Unwittingly, subtly, I have committed an act of collossal pride in my own sense of self-reliance for matters here in time. Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

He gives mercy.

Through my own stormy life experiences, I have come to believe that the trials of this life are naturally occurring things that the Lord uses specifically, by allowing or restraining them, to work on us for His purpose. And so, brought low and made to know my own inadequacy, I ask of Him, Lord, why has this come to pass? The answer for me is this: And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.

Through all of this time that I have been unable to work at my job, I worked myself into a pitiful emotional (and physical) state of worry and anxiety over matters financial, and of my own health and ability to work and provide for my family. Every step of the way, though I witnessed and recognized God's direct and immediate provision for me and for us, I continued to stress and panic and worry over each and every succeeding step of the way. The truth is, with the Lord's provision, we had more financial security during the first episode of my disabilty than we ever did when I was working and bringing in a steady cash flow. Did I relax at any time during the process? I am ashamed to say, no. I didn't. I can be so thick headed. Even when I started back to work, I worried over my ability to perform my job, and whether or not my weak knee would hold up. I was all too ready to fling myself back into reliance upon myself and my abilities. Apprehended by the Lord in my wandering way, I bounded off again, straying from Him in my heart and mind.

And then it happened. On the third week back to work, the Lord intervened to get my attention once again. My 'good' knee failed me, and once again, I found myself unable to work. I pushed hard, and I went to work anyway. The pain was so great that I actually threw up from it, and my supervisor had to convince me that this wasn't going to work. I hadn't learned my lesson yet; I hadn't put my center where it needs to be. But this time, I am aware. And my heart and soul cry out, Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.

The first time this all happened to me, I had a 'bank' of PTO (paid time off) and EIB (extended illness bank) that supplied income throughout the period of time I was out of work. I also had short term disability insurance, of which I used half. That PTO and EIB are now exhausted; empty. Half the short term disability insurance is used. So, my mind clamored, when this second major issue arose, how will I ever make it through this again now? Sadly, although I had become aware of the lesson the first time, here I was again, putting my faith in......God? no. In my own abilities. Foolish woman. So the panic and the worries began again, but this time, I stopped and asked myself, why am I doing this? Why am I allowing myself to be devastated over this again? And I was made to consider; Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the LORD thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Had I come through the first episode with my knee on my own? Who provided for me? Who led thee through that great and terrible wilderness, wherein were fiery serpents, and scorpions, and drought, where there was no water; who brought thee forth water out of the rock of flint?

Who fed thee in the wilderness with manna, which thy fathers knew not, that he might humble thee, and that he might prove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end?

Though I recognized and was aware of His lesson for me in the first, I had failed to make application of it in my heart. And so, in this second trial, I find His lovingkindness, and mercy toward me. Who is in control of my life and its course? It is HE, Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

He gives peace.

So here I am, at the beginning of another round of trouble, and yet this time, though I have come to the end of myself completely, my hope and my peace is solid, and sure. The Lord has provided for us, not me. The Lord will see us through this, not me. And I am beginning to discover, (again), that He is such a better Provider than I ever could be!

He has given us financial reassurance, but even so, I have been made to consider, what if He had not? The truth is, it doesn't matter. The Lord gave us this house; He can give us another. He gave us all the things in this life; He can take them, and restore them, and He is still The Lord, and will not forsake us. Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.

It is not perfect, as I am not perfect, but I feel more and more now that my center, my self, is placed in HIM. Not in me. Only HE is relevant, and necessary; the things of this life are truly nothing. Only He is first in all things. I am made to rely upon Him, and I am finding it to be a great relief. Thy will, not mine, O Lord.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Gently Lord, O gently lead us,
Through this lonely vale of tears,
Through the changes Thou decreed us,
Till our last great change appears.
When temptation’s darts assail us,
When in devious paths we stray,
Let Thy goodness never fail us,
Lead us in Thy perfect way.

Ennius (Ruth)

2007-05-14T11:28:00.000-04:00

People of the living God,
I have sought the world around,
Paths of sin and sorrow trod,
Peace and comfort no-where found.
Now to you my spirit turns,
Turns a fugitive un-blest;
Brethren where your altar burns,
O receive me into rest.

Lonely I no longer roam,
Like the cloud, the wind the wave;
Where you dwell shall be my home,
Where you die shall be my grave.
Mine the God whom you adore,
Your Redeemer shall be mine;
Earth can fill my soul no more,
Every idol I resign.

Tell me not of gain or loss,
Ease, enjoyment, pomp, or power,
Welcome poverty and cross,
Shame, reproach, affliction's hour:
"Follow Me," I know Thy voice;
Jesus, Lord, Thy steps I see;
Now I take Thy yoke by choice;
Light Thy burden now to me.

A Journal's Beginning....

2007-05-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and I-I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.